It takes practice to wear a kilt.

If you don’t think so, consider the following example as proof of the above statement.

Your lowly scribe here plays Celtic music at a variety of venues including seniors’ lodges and hospitals. In the last few years, I’ve taken to wearing the kilt of my Irish family to add a little (tartan) colour to the performance. Underneath the kilt, I always wear black cycling shorts to avoid any issues when I’m sitting on my stool playing the guitar or bodhran.

Last week, I was in a rush. No cycling shorts.

But I didn’t realize that.

I just thought it was an unusually breezy day as I walked with my gear to the car and then from my vehicle to the seniors lodge where I was scheduled to play.

Since I was working in a large room, I opted to stand and walk rather than sit. It would be easier to connect with the audience, most of them female and probably all over age 80.

I sang a variety of tunes from the Maritimes, Ireland and Scotland. The old folks were enthusiastic and often clapped along.

Then I dropped my guitar pick. It rolled behind me.

I will mention at this point that I am 6’5”. That’s relevant because I had to bend over a long way to collect my pick.

As I did so, I felt fresh air on the old posterior which, despite being covered by underwear, remained largely in the open.

That’s when I recognized I had forgotten my cycling shorts and forgotten that, when wearing a kilt, an individual never bends with his kilted backside to the audience.

I stood up quickly and looked around. Had the audience noticed? I couldn’t say. They were smiling, but then they had been smiling before. Maybe their smiles were a little wider. Tough to tell.

When the concert was over, I found myself walking down the hallway with a maintenance worker.

“You were quite the hit in your kilt with those young ladies,” he told me.

“Oh, yes?”

“When you bent over to pick up something, that was probably the most excitement they’ve had in a long time. I think they’ll tell the organizers they want you back.”

“Mmmm.”

“You’d be even a bigger hit if you left off the underwear next time, too,” he added.

Lesson: Don’t put on a kilt in a rush.

darcy@wowcommunications.ca

The newly released Oz the Great and Powerful is doing terrific box office, but will it turn into a classic? The critics are saying not a chance in Kansas – or anywhere else.

Most movies get their screen time and then some TV play. Then they disappear.

A few films have longer staying power, maybe sticking around in people’s consciousness for 15 or 20 years.

Only a handful  remain popular from generation to generation.

Here are three movies which arguably have aged better than any others:

#The Wizard of Oz. The world knows the story about the Kansas girl who is swept away to a magic land and yet people still watch it again and again for its vibrant images, marvelous music, pitch-perfect performances and spectacular set pieces – every element works perfectly. In fact, its likability has grown over the decades.  This movie will still be showing in another 20 years while Oz the Great and Powerful will likely be a trivia question. Trivia: The Wizard of Oz didn’t win the Oscar for Best Picture of 1939. That honour went to Gone with the Wind, another classic but one which has suffered in recent times partly due its portrayal of African-Americans.

#Casablanca. This 1942 movie about an American expatriate and his former lover in wartime northern Africa stars Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman – plus a who’s who of great character actors of the day. It ranks in the top five of many Greatest Movies of All Time lists – and rightly so. Great script, wonderful performances, more mood than just about any other movie. Trivia: The main actors generally didn’t think much of the movie when production finished. They figured it would be too confusing and didn’t think audiences would care about a love story in an African town.

#It’s a Wonderful Life.  The ultimate Christmas movie. OK, you might be thinking that A Christmas Carol is the ultimate Yuletide film, but which one would you pick? There have been several editions, some terrific, a few good and a couple very, very bad. But this 1946 movie is a one-of-a-kind, a film that has only grown in popularity over the years. The story’s main premise is timeless: What would the world be like if I hadn’t lived? It’s a question that connects with people of all ages. James Stewart was flawless in the role of a small-town businessman pushed past his breaking point. Trivia: It failed to initially recover its production/marketing costs and critics back then said its legendary director, Frank Capra, had lost his magical touch. Humbug!

The Big Three. They’ll be coming to a TV screen near you for years and years.

 darcy@wowcommunications.ca

It didn’t take long. Seth MacFarlane says he won’t host another Oscars even though ratings were up. He cited demands on his time plus harsh criticism of his efforts as reasons for not doing the gig again.

The world awaits what happens next.

Here are some suggestions to help the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with its planning for 2014:

-          Break the show into two halves.

First half: For ages 36 and up, involves lifetime achievement awards, the In Memoriam goodbyes, Oscars for costumes, presentations for screenplay and editing excellence, singing stuff. No mention to be made of any actor younger than 35. Brief comments about world affairs permitted.  Suggested hosts:  Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler. Sponsors could range from makers of comfortable shoes to touring companies providing slow boat rides down rivers. Post-Oscar party to involve a nap.

Second half: For ages 18 to 35, acting Oscars, cinematography kudos, weird techno awards. No mention to be made of any actor older than 35. Cursing and frequent discussion of bodily functions to be encouraged.  Suggested hosts:  Bart and Homer Simpson. Sponsors could range from makers of cheap, high-alcohol beer to adventure companies offering bungee jumping off small hills. Post-Oscar party to involve advanced massage for compulsive use of smartphones.

NOTE: Best Picture Oscar to be divided into two, one for movies shorter than 100 minutes, the other for ones that go longer. Both halves of the show get a BP presentation.

-          Do not permit Oscar winners to speak. Instead, they will have to tell us their thoughts in a single Tweet (maximum 140 characters) shown overhead. This should reduce the show by several hours. Plus we’d find out who can spell. Or not.

-          Ensure all presenters wear their eyeglasses. This will eliminate those Renée Zellweger moments of pure panic when the presenter has to read small printing on a page.

-          Demand all presenters take a Be Funny While Ad-libbing course before they are permitted on stage. This would eliminate those moments when something goes wrong and the presenter has to speak for himself or herself which, traditionally, has made for another low point in western culture.

-          Introduce faster songs to the production. This last Oscars had some great singers, but the tunes drifted on longer than The Hobbit. After all, we only have so much time on the planet.

Additional suggestions:

-          Change the red carpet show. Instead of the rich and famous wearing absurdly rich and famous outfits and jewelry, encourage them to walk the carpet in garb that costs a maximum of $100. If they’re creative people, they can do it although they might need a map to find Target or Walmart.

-          Show “Before” shots of presenters who’ve undergone the knife and indulged in botox. This will help the audience identify who’s who. It got a little tricky this last Oscars.

 darcy@wowcommunications.ca

So the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences decided to go after the 18-35 crowd once again with its Oscars show Sunday.

It went with a hot host, Seth MacFarlane, and some edgy jokes.

And yet again, the show flopped. You know it’s bad when the host starts making bad jokes about how long and boring the show is becoming – and there’s still at least a half hour left.

Worst moments:

-          Seth’s interminable intro with William Shatner. The idea was interesting – Capt. Kirk coming back from time to analyze the show – but it went on longer than a root canal. Beam us up, Scotty!

-          The skit with Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy before they presented the Oscars for animated short and animated feature. Did no one involved in the production check that this routine was spectacularly unfunny? The audience’s silence was breathtaking. Maybe the worst Oscars skit in 40 years.

-          The skit with the Avengers actors. Again, it was supposed to be for laughs, but it turned into a grumpy fiasco. Robert Downey Jr. came across as one ticked-off presenter. Samuel L. Jackson seemed equally displeased. Maybe they didn’t get the memo that it was supposed to be funny.

-          The Sound of Music bit with the Nazi popping in from a side door and then departing quickly. The only sound from the audience was a collective sigh. Same at home too, I bet. It was supposed to link to the next presenter who was the estimable Christopher Plummer who, by the way, looked as if someone had just spit in his face. The hills were almost alive with people running for them after this routine.

-          Kristen Stewart’s painful presentation. She cut her foot on glass two days before and clearly was in discomfort during the presentation of the Oscar for Best Production Design. She might have been trying to tough it out but the pouting didn’t help.

-          Ben Affleck’s speech after Argo received Best Picture. He started off fine, but after a few seconds, it seemed as if he had a lot of pent-up anger to release. And if he thinks the last 10 years might have been tough on him, maybe he needs to broaden his horizons to what other people have to deal with on a daily basis. His penance for such self-absorption should be to watch the Rudd-McCarthy routine for 24 hours straight. Then he’d know real pain.

-          The final song with MacFarlane and Kristin Chenoweth. Both have great voices but a song about the losers in the crowd felt like a dead mackerel being flicked on stage. It might have helped if the cameras had checked out how the audience was reacting.That might have been funny.

Best moments:

-          Shirley Bassey and Barbra Streisand showing everyone they still have the pipes. Jennifer Hudson also soared vocally, but in what language? Hard to tell.

-          Quentin Tarantino’s speech. He seems one of the few Hollywood folk who can adlib and still make interesting statements.

-          Daniel Day-Lewis. Not the best speech, but his kibitizing with Meryl Streep about switching roles was funny.

-          The Jaws theme used whenever a recipient went too long in his or her speech. Perfect selection. But it would have been even more effective if someone then came out in a giant shark outfit and chomped on the offending long-talker.

Suggestions for 2014:

-          Goodbye, Seth, and hello Tina Fey-Amy Poehler as hosts. They know how to create and react. And they aren’t going to quit on the show when it gets a little dreary. Or bring back Billy Crystal, still Oscar’s all-time best host.

-          Do a better job of screening the skits beforehand. Before that though, the production people should go back through the archives and study some skits that actually produced laughs.

-          Change the lighting. There was so much botox on display Sunday that faces were rebounding light.

darcy@wowcommunications.ca

Google “transporting a bicycle by airplane” or something similar and the results will be extensive. You will find out how to wrap, box and package a bike. Good info.

I’ve been taking my bike overseas for 35 years.

But no longer.

And that’s a bloody shame because bike touring is not only great fun, it’s an environmentally friendly way to travel.

My issue is that, despite all the “go green” campaigns suggested by airlines, if you take your bike on board, you’re doing so with few guarantees. More often than not, you’ll end up with some degree of grief. And maybe a lighter wallet.

For decades, I was anal when transporting my bike by plane because, once at my destination, my bike was my non-polluting form of transportation. I followed the demands of the different airlines. I added extra packaging. I doublechecked and even triplechecked the cost and having a reservation. I compensated weight-wise by packing maybe 10 pounds maximum of clothing/gear.

And although it helped sometimes, more often it didn’t.

(Note: If anyone from an airline bureaucracy is reading this, please keep reading.)

I’ve got a dozen horror stories about transporting my bike by airline, but I’ll only go back three years ago when I ensured I had reserved a space both both ways for my bike on board an international carrier out of Canada. I followed up with a phone call a few weeks later. Good to go. Being a skeptic, I did another follow-up. Still good to go. I had a reservation number. I was set. I kept a hard copy of all email communications.

I then packaged my bike according to the airline’s regulations which I doublechecked. I ensured my “regular” luggage weighed well under 10 pounds. Heck, I only packed three underpants for a month.

It didn’t matter.

On the trip back, I had to pay 300 euros – or 250 more than I was told I would – or leave my bike behind. I argued, pleaded, begged. Nothing worked. I paid the 300 euros.

When I complained afterward to the airline, I got a nice man who told me “things change” even though when I had made my reservation, I had been told the cost wouldn’t change and that if it did, I wouldn’t be affected since I had made my reservation under the old price. I continued to fight the decision and received a small credit – but only usable with that airline.

The next year, I contacted an international carrier about transporting my bike once again to Europe from Canada. No issue. Happy to comply. But I was warned the fare might go up without any notice and I’d have to pay, regardless of what I had in writing from the airline.

Guess what? There was an unexpected increase when I had to check in on the return trip.

Last year, I took my bike back to Europe. By the way, are you getting any sense that (i) I’m obstinate (ii) I’m optimistic or (iii) I’m not overly bright?

It made the trip to Europe without being damaged which was sensational since my bike had sustained broken wheels, torn cables and major scratches on other trips.

On the return trip, there was a little extra cost. Quelle surprise!

And when my carefully packaged bike got back, its gear and brake systems were irreparably damaged. Cost: $800.

An airline rep told me there were no guarantees about a safe trip for my machine. I knew that, but $800 worth of damage?

So I’m off this year to Europe on another bike trip – but without my own machine. I’ll spend money at the other end to rent a bike. It won’t be as good as my own. But I can’t handle the stress and cost of dealing with airlines in transporting my bike.

The worst part of this entire issue?

It comes whenever I hear those same airlines talk about being responsible in lowering their carbon footprint and making suggestions about how travelers follow their lead.

darcy@wowcommunications.ca

Many visitors to Scotland make the usual pilgrimages to Edinburgh for its castle and Royal Tattoo, to Glasgow for its art scene, to Perth for its majestic Scone Abbey and to St. Andrews for its golf courses.

Not many seem to get to the Hebridean, or west coast, islands.

Pity.

Scotland has Europe’s most beautiful islands with a score of them off the west coast that are individually unique and collectively spectacular. You could spend an entire holiday visiting them and always feel you needed more time to explore. Here are five islands to include on any Scottish trip – and especially if you’re a cyclist:

#Islay. It’s famous for the single malt distilleries that dot this island of 3,500. It also has windswept beaches and rugged coves that are a photographer’s dream. The people are remarkably friendly and believe in providing a brand of hospitality that’s second to none.

#Skye. This is Scotland’s most famous island, largely due to how Flora MacDonald rescued Bonnie Prince Charlie after the 1745 uprising. With its stunning bays and mysterious Cuillin Hills, rugged Skye is indisputably one of the world’s most beautiful islands.

#Mull. Inhabited for thousands of years, this island of fewer than 3,000 is just a short ferry ride from Oban on the mainland. The island itself is varied in landscape; every 10 kilometres provides a different mood. Often used in movies, Mull has only one real town, Tobermory, which is eerily beautiful from its high regions as it overlooks a small bay. Also worth special visits are Duart Castle and Torosay Castle. The sacred island of Iona is virtually attached to Mull.

#Arran. Probably the most “civilized” of these islands, Arran is the seventh largest of Scotland’s islands. Its main industry is tourism and the island offers plenty for tourists: great scenery, golf, hiking, history and several lovely small villages. Arran has been called “Scotland in miniature.”

 #Uists. Yes, there are two – South and North – but I’m combining them due to name and connection by causeway. To reach them, you’re looking at a five-hour ferry ride from the mainland. They’re wild, windswept, remote and beautiful. When you’re there, the mainland feels a thousand kilometres away.

If you have more time in the west, explore tiny, beautiful Eigg and Rum islands; and Barra Island with its sandy beaches. (If you’re in the north, you can spend weeks investigating the Shetland and Orkney islands.)

darcy@wowcommunications.ca

All the cinematic pundits are busy these days predicting who will win an Oscar and who should win an Oscar.

Let’s do a little re-examination of the Best Picture winners. As in, which winners have endured the best – and fared the worst.

Most enduring:

-          Casablanca (1943). As decades pass, the reputation of this Humphrey Bogart-Ingrid Bergman movie only increases. In fact, it ranks in the top five of many Best Films of All Time lists. Bizarrely, the principal performers didn’t have a clue how good the movie was.

-          The Godfather (1972). Its sequel also won the Best Picture Oscar, but it’s the original that has endured better. What a fantastic cast: Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Robert Duvall, James Caan, Diane Keaton and on and on. If there had not been The Godfather, would there have been The Sopranos on TV? Probably not.

-          Unforgiven (1992). Its selection as Best Picture was controversial in 1992 because it was considered simplistic and severe, but this Clint Eastwood film has grown in stature and is now considered one of the best westerns of all time. Rightfully so, too.

-          Lawrence of Arabia (1962). More than 50 years after it was made, this winner can still mesmerize. No movie in history has so effectively captured the magnitude of the desert. As for dealing with one of Britain’s most controversial and complex 20^th century figures, it does a remarkable job at that as well. That’s why it continues to show up on TV.

-          On the Waterfront (1953). This one retains its stature partly due to its atmospheric black-and-white cinematography and its superb script that looks at the lives of troubled dock workers. But its reputation remains strong because Marlon Brando offers the performance of a lifetime – and that says plenty.

Least enduring:

-          Amadeus (1984). Mozart’s music remains celebrated for obvious reasons, but this film about Mozart’s greatest rival is like a long-forgotten tune – you can barely remember a note.

-          The Last Emperor (1987). Lots of spectacle here, but it lacked the heart to make it hold a spot in people’s memories.

-          Midnight Cowboy (1969). Yup, Jon Voigt and Dustin Hoffman have done well since they teamed up in this movie, but a sighting of this film is about as frequent as viewing a dodo. It might be because another movie from 1969, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, connected better with audiences and remains immensely popular.

-          American Beauty (1999). It seemed to make a strong statement about the American family in the 1990s, but that message has long been forgotten.

-           The Greatest Show on Earth (1952). This Cecil B. DeMille epic about a circus came out during the Joe McCarthy period when many Americans were paranoid about Communist subversion. Once those fears disappeared and McCarthy was discredited, a far superior film from that year rose in stature – the classic western High Noon which many critics say made a statement about McCarthyism.

This year’s nominees:  Amour, Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Django Unchained, Les Misérables, Life of Pi, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, Zero Dark Thirty.

Predicted winner: Argo

Question: Will any of the nominees endure like Casablanca or The Godfather?

Answer: Not a chance.

darcy@wowcommunications.ca

I never figured I’d write a blog about playing music for seniors or the ill or those in palliative care.

But I’m doing it.

A couple of days ago, I played for an hour before an audience of about 30 in a rehab ward in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. Half the people were missing a limb. A third were recovering from a stroke. The others had different health issues.

Most seemed to have had a tough day. Hard to blame them.

But the music changed their moods. By the time I finished, they were a happier bunch.

That gig reminded me of the power of music.

It wasn’t really me, though. It was the music – Celtic music.

I’ve played hundreds of similar concerts for folks in hospitals and senior lodges. I’ve performed for those  in dementia wards and those facing death.

When they hear Celtic music more than any other music, there’s something that connects for them. That’s what happened two days ago.

I do other types of music, but it’s the Celtic rhythms that can lift a person out of a depression or a place far from the regular world. So, these days, it’s pure Celtic. Please note, music therapists.

And I’ve got five songs which are always a success. Again, it’s the music more than the performer. Here are the magic five in case you ever get to perform for such audiences – or if you just want to hear five great tunes:

• #Dirty Old Town. The Pogues turned it into an international hit and it’s been recorded by scores of other Celtic musicians. It’s bouncy and a wee bit naughty. Whatever the age or condition of the audience member, this song works. The Pogues’ version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVUZuVZWHkk
• #Old Polina. Great Big Sea recorded this rollicking tune from Newfoundland. It starts slow and then, on the first chorus, it goes wild. A year ago, I watched folks in a dementia ward snap to attention when they heard this song. Here’s GBS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Xvzurzvf-8
• #Star of the County Down. Another classic Irish tune, it’s got that light, breezy Celtic beat that makes you smile and move. Check out this version with Van Morrison and the Chieftains: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GbdB7PlGtc
• #Irish Lullaby. Bing Crosby sang this Oscar winner to Barry Fitzgerald in 1944’s Going My Way. When it’s chorus time, almost everyone, including some folks in the dark recesses of dementia or Alzheimer’s, find a way to sing or hum along. Amazing. Hear Bing sing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw9B49epS_M
• #The Last Saskatchewan Pirate. The Arrogant Worms introduced it and Captain Tractor ramped it up. I never figured it would connect but it has always been a fantastic hit with audiences. Maybe there’s a little pirate in all of us. Check out Captain Tractor’s video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G_L9tXEwmc

Five perfect tunes that swell the human spirit.

Give them a try. And if you’re a musician playing for an audience whose members face large challenges, you’ll love how well they work.

Just magic.

darcy@wowcommunications.ca

If you’re beating your head trying to find someplace different for a Canadian holiday, consider a small archipelago of islands smack in the middle of the Gulf of St. Lawrence.

The Magdalen Islands (#YGR), or  Les Îles de la Madeleine in French, are in the middle of the Gulf of St. Lawrence.  Closer to Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick and Newfoundland, the islands are nevertheless part of Quebec. They stretch over 80 kilometres and have about 13,000 inhabitants. Tourism is a major industry with most visitors coming from Québec. Two other industries are fishing and the production of road salt.

That’s the basic info.

Here are six reasons why you might want to consider a visit to the Iles:

• Scenery. The coastline of these islands is simply spectacular with stunning bays, rugged cliffs and beautiful beaches. You’re also never more than five kilometres from the sea.  In fact, there’s one stretch of highway on the way to Île de la Grande Entrée that cuts through the sea with just a few metres of sand and rock on either side. Astonishing!
• Houses. Yes, it’s weird to mention houses as a reason to visit an area, but the homes on the islands are different from any others in Canada. They come in different sizes, shapes and colours. And they’re not in any pattern. It’s like Van Gogh painted a bunch of houses in his inimitable style and then tossed them against a hillside. While a planner would likely look at the oddball layout of the residences and scream, visitors will likely be intrigued, if not enthralled.
• Seafood. If you like lobster, you’re in heaven. And the price for lobster on the islands is generally very, very low. As for the rest of the seafood, it’ll keep you drooling throughout your visit. As will the rest of the culinary offerings on the various menus; the Madelinots love good food.
• Activities. With the great coastline, the islands offer world-class sea kayaking plus windsurfing and kitesurfing. And terrific cycling. Not to mention sandcastle-building. Kids of all ages will be easily amused. And despite being so far from any bright lights, the islands offer plenty of evening fun.
• Storms. They don’t come too often from late spring through early autumn, but if one does, pick a dry spot, and watch how magically the clouds and sea change. Make sure you have a camera nearby. (Over the last four centuries, there have been hundreds of shipwrecks nearby.)
• The welcome from the Madelinots. In classic French style, they are slightly reserved, but more than happy to help make you feel at home, even if you speak minimal French.

You can reach the islands by plane from Montréal, Québec City and Gaspé. However, most people come by ferry from Souris, P.E.I. If the day is nice, the ferry journey is exquisite, offering a lengthy view of the lovely P.E.I. coast and then following up with a picturesque entry into the islands. It’s a trip you likely won’t forget for a very long time. You can also take a weekly ferry/cruise ship from Montréal or Chandler on the Gaspé Peninsula. Cruise lines are also starting to understand the attractions of the islands.

And if you’re wondering about a winter holiday, the islands are equally as spectacular when covered with snow.

The Islands’ website: http://www.tourismeilesdelamadeleine.com/magdalen-islands/atrim-ang-696-home.cfm

 darcy@wowcommunications.ca

Current movie trailers indicate a busy year ahead for science fiction films. The ones coming will be big-budget specials with lots of accompanying fanfare. (Think the latest installment of the Star Trek series.)

That’s nice. Beam me up, Scotty!

But let’s talk about the #1 decade for sci-fi productivity – the 1950s. The titles included Rocketship X-M, The Invisible Monster, Captive Women, Radar Men from the Moon, Cat-Women of the Moon, Phantom from Space, Stranger from Venus, Tobor the Great, Fire Maidens from Outer Space and Earth vs. the Flying Saucers. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_science-fiction_films_of_the_1950s)

Most were made on a shoestring and were so brutally bad in every way that it’s hard to watch them for more than a few minutes if they ever show up on TV.

Then there are those that had just enough quality that they have become cheesy good viewing. So, for rainy-day distractions, here are Four Great Cheesy Sci-Fi Flicks from the Fabulous Fifties – with a special award announced at the end:

• The Asiago Cheese Award for Thickest Characters in a Sci-Fi Film goes to 1953’s #It Came from Outer Space. A spaceship from someplace in the universe lands in the Arizona desert and promptly turns humans into automatons. Richard Carlson, an astronomer, and Barbara Rush, a teacher, are the only ones who get a sense of the danger. Baby Boomers might recognize two cast members who went onto greater TV fame: Joe Sawyer who was Sgt. O’Hara in The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin and Russell Johnson who became the Professor in Gilligan’s Island.
• The Pecorino Cheese Award for Oldest Character in a Sci-Fi Film goes to #Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) which interestingly  stars Richard Carlson once more. The origins of pecorino cheese go back 2,000 years and it seems the monster is at least the same age, popping up now and then to grab a pretty woman or get rid of an annoying crew member on a boat. (Yes, I know dinosaurs appeared in some sci-fi flicks but they were only bit players and definitely not cool like the Creature.)
• The Halloumi Cheese Award for Strangest Sci-Fi Role by a Comedic Legend goes to Forbidden Planet (1956). Halloumi is one of the strangest cheeses to be found – but great tasting – and Forbidden Planet takes on a strange note as soon as you spot Leslie Nielsen as the strong, manly captain of a rescue crew from Earth trying to sort out a mystery on a distant planet. No one knew then that Nielsen could do comedy – not even the movie’s robot which is smarter than the humans.
• The Truffle Cheese Award for Hidden Use of an Upcoming Screen Icon goes to the 1959 movie #The Blob. The story involves a massive Jello-like creature that feasts initially on teenagers and then, after some indigestion from youthful attitude, goes for more mature humans. The screen legend that you can dig in this movie? Steve McQueen. He practices for his epic Bullitt car chase by driving a very cool ragtop in this movie while avoiding the Blob.

And in a special category:

• The Limburger Cheese Award for Smelliest Plot and Softest Performances of All Time goes to #Plan 9 from Outer Space. This film lacks a single redeeming quality, and yet it’s so indescribably earnest and hokey that it has to be celebrated.  Legendary (bad) director Ed Wood was trying to make a serious sci-fi film and instead he turned out one of the worst movies of all time. He completed it in 1956 and it was released in 1959. Check out the astonishingly amateurish sets – you’ll see shower curtains, cardboard boxes and strings used. Yikes! The plot? Aliens, zombies, vampires and humans are in conflict as well they should be. It was also the last film for horror giant Bela Lugosi who played the Ghoul Man in this production. This movie stinks so bad, it’s great!
• darcy@wowcommunications.ca